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Ainsley Loken It was only one and a half years ago that I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, but it seems like a lifetime ago that this journey began. In my twenties I used to hike the Rocky Mountains. I remember the times during the seventy-mile long hikes that I thought I simply could not go on... |
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I had no choice but to continue because otherwise, I would perish in the mountain wilderness. My feet were blistered and bleeding. I was soaked from sweat and the horseflies were hungrily ripping at any exposed flesh. This definitely gave new meaning to the expression "not a happy camper". At one point we came to a ravine about 200 feet deep. The only way to get to the other side was to crawl along a fallen log above the ravine. The other hikers effortlessly made their way across the log. I stood there terrified recognizing that I had no choice. I could not go back the fifty odd miles by myself so I HAD to crawl on the log to the other side. To this day I do not know how I managed to do it. I remember not looking down, and slowly inching my way across the log. When I stood up on the other side my toes were tingling from fright. I also remember the wonderful feeling I had when I completed the hike. I had been where very few people had ever been. I
ran through snowfields on mountaintops, played in glacier lakes and
hiked along fresh grizzly bear tracks. Now, twenty years later, I was facing a new challenge. One that would prove to be harder and scarier than any of the others... One August morning, after a week of hot weather, I awoke to find that I was unable to walk properly and that my left leg was very weak. Eventually, I could not keep my balance and would fall constantly. My legs were numb to the waist. For a short time, I lost my peripheral vision and had tingling to both sides of my face. An MRI revealed that I had scarring on my brain which was a definite indication that I was dealing with multiple sclerosis. Just like during the mountain hikes I was not sure I could handle this. I felt very alone and scared. I felt less of a person. The first thing I said to my husband upon hearing the diagnosis was "Do you still love me?" I would have understood if he did not want to go through this. I had always been an independent, strong person and now, I could barely walk. My husband, family and friends rallied behind me and gave me a lot of encouragement and support. The hike had just begun. I learned that doctors do not know much about this disease. I was my doctor’s only patient dealing with this, and so it was a learning experience for both of us. First, I decided to get my life back in balance. That meant that my BODY, MIND and SPIRIT had to come together and work as a unit. For many years I had neglected myself in favour of nurturing others and now I was paying the price. How could I be of help to others if my own life was in disarray? BODY: I researched the best nutritional supplements available and discovered USANA. (www.usana.com) Especially important are omega 3's and 6's (essential fatty acids). Every day I walk three quarters of a mile through a forest to a small pond. I struggle to walk this distance and sometimes I am not sure I can make it home, but it is worth it just to see my dogs run and my three cats amble along beside me. Aside from daily supplements, once a week, I give myself an injection of Avonex in the muscle. If children can inject themselves daily for diabetes then who am I to complain about a weekly injection? MIND: I am learning to meditate. Once a day I sit quietly with no man made sounds to interrupt my mind. I listen to the sounds of the forest and to the peace of nature around me. I am refreshed. SPIRIT: I am so thankful, daily, for the people that enrich my life and the blessings I receive. My faith in God has been renewed. When something negative takes place in my day I try to say "thank you" because from this I will learn. Truthfully, I have not mastered this yet. The human response is to retaliate or defend. These strong emotions coupled, let’s say, with PMS could be dangerous. I recall the bumper sticker that reads "Watch out, I have PMS, and I have a GUN!" Seriously though, I was in a situation where the people around me were angry, stressed, spiteful and jealous. I could cut the tension with a knife. I took this problem to God in prayer and the answer I received was simply, "Come from a position of love". Oh, this is hard to do. It is often easier and faster to lash out in anger but it is worth while, instead, to respond in love. The other person will either walk away baffled or respond in kind. Having taught elementary school in my past I often observed that adults are like 'big kids'. They have often not grown out of their insecurities--they have just learned to mask them. Come from a position of love--It works! While walking to the back pond the following thought occurred to me;
Rather than bashing ourselves against these obstructions we should go around them and give thanks to them for it is because of their presence that we have flowed along a different, and perhaps unexpected path, thus having more adventures and excitement along the way. I can think of a couple of sharp edged boulders, and even a few good sized rocks in the middle of my river. I wonder where my river will travel as a result of them? Thank you rocks. Thank you boulders. I am writing this because I am trying to make something positive out of a negative situation. I want you to know that if I can handle this so can you. DON'T
GIVE UP! Let me know how
you are doing. I care. Some powerful books I recommend are:
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